Metaphysics in a nutshell

Inspired by chapter 5 in Grendel, I have decided to venture onto my own metaphysical quest. And, surprisingly, its not as easy as it seems. Metaphysics, in its whole, accounts for over ten subsects of philosophy. This ranges from metaphysical holism (similar to the beliefs of methodoligical holism) to metaphysical realism (there are real objects, they exist independant of other objects, and have independant properties). However, the belief system of just "metaphysics" is entirely different altogether. Metaphysics, is truly, the structure of reality along with the structure of nature and constitution of such. Although many believe that Metaphysics goes hand in hand with science, its essence actual presupposes science. Are there, for example, physical objects at all, does every event even have a cause?
Tuhs, the heart of metaphysics.
The dragon in chapter 5 only briefly touches on the realm of metaphysical philosophy - however try looking it up in the Cambridge Dictionary of Philosophy. There are literally pages upon pages of information regarding metaphysics, each paragraph nearly contradicting the last. Some believe that metaphysics itself does not exist itself, because it is "cognitively meaningless" and not "emperically verifiable". By the next paragraph, however, the textbook asserts that metaphysics "is knowable only through the methods of the sciences, is itself a metaphysics, namely metaphysical naturalism. It is not a part of science itself." Wait...what? The only truth in metaphysics is that there is no truth, that maybe nothing in itself exists, that maybe our perception of objects reality is entirely wrong.
Metaphysics in itself applies to all of philosophies as a whole - think about it. Locke's social contract cannot exist if nothing in itself exists - anything philosophy investigates is assumed a part of reality. Knowledge, values, social constructs, reasoning all become lucid and insiginificant if nothing else within nature is true. Weird.
Dualism is the term coined for realms that are not real - what would be true if nothing truly existed. These worlds are known as spatiotemporal worlds, and this brings an entirely new debate of realism versus anti-realism. I took a philosophy class at Emory over the summer, and we talked extensively on Kant's philosophical assertions. And trust me, there are alot. But this reminds me of Kant's transcendentalist idealism - basically the world only exists because of what we see. Basically, every person's view of the world is adapted personally to their conceptions of the world - everything from the view of human kind to language. Metaphysics is truly a strange, engrossing concept. The aspect I love and hate about philosophy is that questions remain, despite all the extensive information on the topics. No matter what one philosophy asserts, theres always a contradictory opinion to destroy the previous opinion.
According to metaphysics, however, it doesn't matter because nothing really exists anything. Well it might exist. But its not actually a given. Is anything itself actually a given?
My brain just blew up.
P.s. – The pictures in the chapter are extremely amusing. I’ve been sketching Grendel faces for a few days now. I’m becoming quite extraordinary.

Why sh** happens

Today was a particularly bad day in my life. I felt that my intelligence was completely undermined, embarrassed myself, proceeded to get sick, and now I have to testify in court. However, we all have those memorable days. Perhaps you get mud splashed on you from a car, or perhaps every single radio station is playing a song from the Black Eyed Peas. So I decided to google the science of a really bad day, and this is what I found.
Why Sh*t Happens: The Science of a Really Bad Day by Dr. Peter J. Bentley is a new book that expands on the science of those horrid days. Dr. Bentley asserts that nearly all bad days, and the events that occur within those days, are somewhat in our control. Although we may not be able to occur what is thrown at us, we are able to manipulate our response that will in turn affect the rest of our day. "Those who have a negative attitude are more likely to endow normal little mishaps with some mystical significance. Some psychologists even suggest that it's a way of subconsciously avoiding responsibility for our actions. 'It was Friday 13th, so I was bound to stick my fingers with superglue" or 'Accidents happen in threes, so after the first mishap the next two were inevitable.'" So essentially, after the first bad event in your day its kind of up to you. This seems enlightening and, yet, also frustrating - its as if the blame is put entirely on, well, you.
Dr. Bentley also talks on the point that bad days are so blatantly memorable in our minds because they are distinct departure from the norm. "We'll remember the time we drove off in the car with our bag on the roof, but forget the hundreds of times we drove off with the bag in the car. We'll remember the time our mp3 player went through the washing machine, but forget all the other occasions we used it to play music. So a sh*t day is immediately relevant and memorable to everyone." This too also makes sense. I could, right now, name in the past few months all the horrible, terrible, no good, very bad days I've had. However, if hard pressed to recall events from a stereotypical, normal day - I would most likely have a more difficult time. This, to me, raises the question - what does this say about humanity?
Apparently, by knowing the mechanics of a bad day, we can also interpret how to fix these days. Going back to the classic mantra, Dr. Bentley states, "Knowledge is power." By acknowledging that yes, perhaps we are to hard on ourselves, we can consciously change our behaviors. And what does this say about human kind and society? Dr. Bentley doesn't have an answer for this, but I believe this to be a throwback to perhaps our more dramatic sides. Perhaps we have a naturalistic need to have a bad day - to contrast with our better ones. Think about it: if we can gab to our friends and family on the horrible grade we received on our math test, it will be that much more rewarding the next test when we get an A.
But I'm still going to mope over that test.

Campbell's Chick Noodle Soup. Mythology too.

Today, I really thought that the movie we watched on Joseph Campbell was extremely interesting. Apparently, he devised the entire field of comparative mythology and there is an extensive library on this subject from Campbell alone. In fact, there are many reoccurring themes in universal works that most of us would recognize from the stories we’ve grown up around. Take for example, the “flood” story. We all know about Noah, and if you need a reminder let me take some time to recite you the true story:
“The Lord said to Noah
Go build me an arky, arky
The Lord told Noah
Go build me an arky, arky
Make it out of hickery barky, barky
Children of the Lord…
It rained and it poured
For forty daysie, daysies
It rained and it poured
For forty daysie, daysies
Nearly drove those creatures crazy, crazy,
Children of the Lord.”
Credits go to whomever wrote Rise and Shine. Anyways, Gilgamesh also has a great flood in the epic work, as does Hindu mythology, Aztec mythology, and the Greek myth of Deucalion. That’s all great, but the most interesting thing to me is the reoccurring role of the hero. Essentially, there are seventeen common themes to all mythological hero stories and in that regard nearly all of our current hero stories as well. There are eight steps, which are:
1. The Call to Adventure
2. The Road of Trials
3. The Vision Quest
4. The Meeting with the Goddess
5. The Boon
6. The Magic Flight
7. The Return Threshold
8. The Master of Two Worlds
No, this really does work out. Whether it be Odysseus or The Lion King (an extremely deep film in my opinion!) there is essentially a formula that can be formatted to all of the hero archetypes. However, I don’t really think that you have to fit every one of the steps to be able to be categorized as a universal hero archetype. Take for example nearly any episode of the classic series “The Twilight Zone”, written by Rod Sterling. One of the episodes, entitled “Death Ship”, follows the lives of three American Astronauts as they find themselves in a parallel universe. The captain of the mission is the first to discover an exact, identical spaceship of their own – with their dead doppelgangers in the ship. From this alternate universe, they must find a way back to Earth, while also solving the mystery behind their alternate selves. In this example the call to adventure and even the road of trials would occur before the beginning of the story, but they are still implied by the nature of their careers. They are adventurers, heroes in the strictest sense of the word – and their quest eventually leads to their demise, in stead of revival. The magic flight they take is a literal magic flight, repairing their spacecraft from things found from the environment of the planet. And the Return Threshold would represent their supposed return to this parallel universe, however the twist ending occurs when they discover they have entered the reality in which they are dead. Rod Serling truly was a master of science fiction, but I still find it extremely interesting that even a hit U.S. T.V. series can be similar to that of my pal Odysseus.

The supreme degradation of the moral filter

This might just be me, but whenever I get tired my moral filter goes down the hole. No, I do not mean that the moments before I enter sleepdom that I rip open a cliffnotes book and find the cow's milk in Tess symbolizes abandonment. I am talking about a physical dreariness that allows humans to become more "real". Say for example, after a great night's rest, you come down stairs and your child is watching TV when they are suppossed to be doing homework. You are more likely to simply scold them, and just turn off the TV. However, reverse the setting to nightime, when you're exhausted from the day, you're more likely to curse at them and perhaps throw a chair (maybe they only do that on Jerry Springer). But, is the happy well rested side more real than the angry, annoyed, and tired side? Or vice versa?
Perhaps after supreme degradation from the day's work that you just turn off your moral filter. That, not to be offensive, you're more crude just because you don't really care. Isn't that the same thing as showing your "true colors?" I'm not exactly sure myself, but I've certaintly said regretful things when my moral filter has been shut down.
The end. Feel free to comment what your own personal belief is on the issue of a moral filter.
P.s. - I know from personal experience, although not truly a moral issue, my vocabulary goes from "splendiforous" to "great" to "awesome" to (positive sounding grunt) as the day goes on. Its interesting to watch the effect of dreariness on people.

Heeeeeelter Skeeeeelter

Okay, so right now I'm reading (for pleasure) Helter Skelter, the true account of the Manson murders. Essentially, Manson was able to interpret the lyrics of Helter Skelter so that he was Jesus, the Beatles were descendants of God, and a huge race riot was going to occur. Thus, a new world order would come about, leaving the whites dominant. According to former "family" members, Manson told the group around 1968, "Are you hep to what the Beatles are saying? Helter Skelter is coming down. The Beatles are telling it like it is," (Helter Skelter). Which is so silly, because anyone who's watched Doctor Oz on Oprah would know skin tone is extremely minute in relation to your DNA. And I'm also a huge Beatles fan, although not incredibly insane like Manson, so I wanted to really examine the lyrics of Helter Skelter.

When I get to the bottom
I go back to the top of the slide
Where I stop and turn
and I go for a ride
Till I get to the bottom and I see you again
Yeah, yeah, yeah Do you don't you want me to love you
I'm coming down fast but I'm miles above you
Tell me tell me come on tell me the answer
and you may be a lover but you ain't no dancer

Okay, so this part to me strikes me as a drug trip. "Miles above you" seems to be a nod at a high, and with this vivid imagery of coming down a slide, I bet its something along the lines of an acid trip. The shallow examination of this part leads me to believe that perhaps the girl won't practice drugs with them. But, of course, there has to be more. Helter Skelter is apparently a twisty slide in England, thus the reference of "when I get to the top of the slide." However, I've also heard that the song could also be referencing the fall of the roman empire. Which, we all know from AP World, is because of those darned barbarians.
-Carson

Should I stay or should I go?

Most of you probably have a Facebook, and if not you are soooo 2003. However, if you DO own a facebook then you may be aware of an "application" called Friend Cicle. What this facebook application does is illustrate the various networks and friends you have, and how diverse your friend base is. And if you take a look at mine, you will see that I have a vast array of friends from all over Georgia. From transitioning from public to private, from middle to high school, my contacts are all over the place. Which leads me to my point: isn't it strange how those who you used to be extraordinarily close to come and go so fast?
It's so strange to me how relationships are nearly recyclable. I mean, for your extremely close friends this doesn't typically apply, but I've certaintly had my fair share of friends go astray. This wasn't supposed to be a long, engaging rant on my past, or anything like that. I just find it strange. Perhaps it's just me?
-Carson

2346 Lilio

2346 Lilio is a pivotol asteroid belt discovered by french astronomer K. Reinmun, who subsquently discovered the apollo asteroids. However, I can guarentee anyone reading this blog entry has never heard of 2346 Lilio, nor probably would they care. However, as I have more frequent mental breakdowns due to the college process, I find myself being able to relate to Lilio. Just, here me out. Okay, so my GPA isn't stellar (pun intended) and I only have one extracurricular. I'm also a white kid who does not have an abusive, alcoholic father. I do not speak a foreign language fluently, nor do I have any direction for my life. All I know is that I enjoy being outside, and that I am extremely lost. And, to further exasorbate myself, on paper I am exactly the same as millions of other kids out there. There is no diversity. I am not a special little snowflake. I will probably blend in with everyone else. And yet, there is so much more. Even though they can't see that, truly, who I am, I am still an individual. I have read work from every author wikipedia characterizes as an influence in the transgressional literature movement.In tenth grade I wrote a term paper on the Lorković-Vokić coup, and it came 4th place in a term paper writing contest. Awards were given to first, second, and third place. I've been a strict vegetarian for 3 years, and have campaigned against slaughterhouses. I have every single album by the beatles, and have a signed album by the steve miller band. I would have been a member of the youth socialist organization of America for three years in a row, but I forgot to send in my dues the second year. I have been through turmoil, and I have had my own share of personal tragedy. And yet, I am the same as 2346 Lilio.
Although I think I may be great, I am not significant enough to be put into a text book. I'm not going to be the next harvard magna cum laude, and I probably won't be the next president (I don't meet age requirements). And I feel as if the message behind college is lost within the admission process. If you want to go to college to learn, and not party, you're in the minority. The key reasoning behind most student's choice to go to a university is their reputation - whether it be academic or socially inviting. So I'll just continue playing the politics of college, and hope that soon I'll be discovered and noted.
I hope that one day I shall not be judged on the basis of my accomplishments on a paper, but for the complexity of my character. I hope that other people in my situation can break from the constricting requirements of many institutions, and that I can still impact the world somehow.
P.s. - On an entirely different note, I find it extremely ironic that Fahrenheit 451 was banned in North Dakota for over 20 years. It's an entire novel about the future government banning (and burning) books because they could inspire critical thought. It's been banned because, in "Fahrenheit", one of the books that eventually gets burned is the Bible. But, I mean, the point of the book is to NOT BURN BOOKS AND THEREFORE THE BIBLE. Just sayin', it's common sense people. C'mon.
- Carson

Disenchantment

Sometimes there are defining moments in your life where you stand at a crossroads. The fork in the road is definitive of where you could be going, however neither path is nescessarily right or wrong. However, the road leading to the fork in the road is the past, the history, and cannot be changed. The crossroads, thus, become concrete, and you have to weigh your options for as they are right now, not on the basis of what you wish had happened.
Okay, so what I just typed means nothing without context. But, I find myself at a crossroads this very moment. Recently, I've been having "issues" with a friend of mine, one who has remained extremely close to me for a number of years. So, now, to let out frustration I'm going to address you personally.
Within the past few months, you have complained to me about how I don't try. I don't put effort into the relationship. How, essentially, its all my fault for our dwindeling relationship. But,you can't see it how I do try. I'm the one who always goes along with your friends. I'm the one who always goes along with your interests, even though you know I don't really care all that much. I'm the one who sits stagnant, writing college essays typically, while you go along with your plans.
I've never been under this much stress before in my life. Not to rant, but the work load for 18 college applications is extremely overwhelming. So I am not, particularly, in the best position to worry about our relationships. But, the times where I'm not at work are few and far between, so it meant alot to me that this time you would come visit MY friends. Come see MY interests, as oppossed to your own. That, maybe, you would see I do try, and that you could branch apart from your own social bubble, and come see my own. However, you didn't. You blew me off, even though it meant the world to me. And you chose your new friends over your old, just like you think I do time and time again. However, I've never chosen anyone over you, I've chosen working hard and pain over pleasure. However, you continually choose over me, even though you are not plaguaed by strenous work. You have chosen a crossroads in your life, whether you recognize that or not. You have chosen a path that does not require, perhaps, a moment of social silence, nor have you chosen a path to stress your work ethic. I, however, am choosing a different path. I am choosing a path that involves today being strenous so that tomorrow I can be happy. I believe you to be selfish in some circumstances, and jaded in others. So, just realize, you're on your own path with your own definitive friends. And I am on my own.
-Carson
P.s. - I'm thinking its going to be Noah's Ark version 2.0 soon. In order to save gas today, I believe I am just going to swim home. Might be more effective.

Senior Trip...to ENLIGHTENMENT

So, for the first time in my 17 years, I get to designate my very own vacation. Yes, that is correct, my own vacation. At the finally of my brother's senior year, our extremely rich uncle (which is also the name of a student loan company) sent him to Italy for two weeks with a meager FOUR THOUSAND DOLLARS. I know I go to Alpharetta High school, and I'm far from impoverished, however I'm relatively sure my parents would look into arraigned marriages if it guaranteed them four thousand dollars. So, as it is only fair, at the conclusion of my senior year I will also have a "dowry", if you will, of four thousand dollars to go wherever my heart desires. But, I would characterize myself as one of those people who can not decide what they want to eat for dinner. So, how am I supposed to know where I could go, if I had the choice of anywhere? Well, as always, I'm looking through my 1001 page philosophy book for answers. And I'm also googeling trips under 4,000$.
If I want a catalyst of change in my life, which would be nice before college, I should establish something to make that happen. Therefore, ruling out any trip in the continental U.S. I've never actually left the US, so I want to actually take some time to get to know myself. Additionally, I want to find myself by finding nature. This is because A. naturalism and transcendentalism tell me this is true B. I am a hippie.
I'm just going to put this out there. The greatest tragic character of ALL TIME was not the lead character in a drama, short story, novel or novella. No, Chris McCandless was a real "character", and besides Holden, is the most compelling person I have ever encountered in written word. So there's this sense of innate humanness that compels me to run to Alaska, and test my strength there. To find myself among one of the greatest natural environments the Earth still has left. But, the other part of me yearns to make my own adventure, and not to emulate Chris's. And, REI adventures also turned up a new destination that seems extremely compelling: Kathmandu.
For a mere 2700$, plus airfare, I can spend 19 days trekking mount Everest with Sherpas, but the elevation is low enough that I probably won't die! In fact, I have to get my physician's approval before going on the trip, have to be over 18, and have to sign a document that says my family won't sue REI if I mysteriously die. But with an elevation of over 18000', I'm fairly unsure if I have it in me. But I think I'm still going to go for the gold here and sign up for the trip, because how many people can say they've climbed mount Everest?
All in all, I'm looking for a sense of adventure before going off to _____ (insert college name there, hopefully not Devry). I think the largest, tallest mountain on Earth can guarentee this for me. Also, I hope I return from the trip without frost bite or just...return from the trip. Anyways, I'm going to email my Uncle tonight and see if he'll allow for me to "touch the heavens".
Carson
P.s. - Really hoping if I go on this trip nothing bad happens. Chris McCandless is my idol, but I'm sort of shooting for a different fate.

More poetic creations!

I've been so incredibly stressed out lately. First of all, I apparently have to apply to 18 colleges to "diversify my college selections" and "to get the best offers on college deals". I feel like a trained dog jumping through a hoop of fire, but multiply that by 18. And I've been helping a few of my mom's clients with Chinese translations, which takes a minimum 6 hours for their documents, and its not exactly the easiest thing to do in the world. But I'm making a hefty 200$ at the end of this. So basically, 10 hours of work is equivalent to two shirts from abercrombie. I truly hate consumerism. Anyways, before I started ranting, I wrote a poem earlier on in the week to help me cope with some stress.
This poem deserves some explanation. First, I'm not especially romantic. I mean, I hate girls who sit around waiting for men to come and save them, like a Disney movie. Its not empowering, and trust me, its most likely never going to happen. And secondly, for some reason I have harbored this concept about romantic love as asserting women's subordination. Its all about wooing the woman, right? Like playing a serenade to her, or a rose, or whatever you want to imagine. But after you "impress" her, then she's star struck and will go with whatever you say. That's just the imagery that keeps in my mind. But, even though I'm not romantic, I've come to accept the fact that there really is love out there. Just, not Disney love. Anyways, hopefully you'll understand where I'm coming from.

What will it take to let you know just how much you mean to me
Time has no meaning when I'm with you
Regardless of who you are out on the outside
Your not what you seem with me
Time is a face on the water
Will you spend forever with me?

Take my hand
Don't let me be
Forever Lost without you
We could be..
All we ever dreamed
There's no where (left/else) to go...

Be with me
Now you bleed with me
and if you just, believe
We'll be all we ever dreamed, together


I never thought it would end this way
The meaningless end to two love struck renegades
By the sound of their barrels, to the beat of your heart,
I count them in bullets from start
I love you in so many ways
There's no running now love we end this today

They surround
We're pinned down
and we won't go easy
our actions speak louder than words

Here comes the end for us all
Holding my hand as we both fall
Riddled with bullets, you open your eyes
Bleeding together, our star-crossed demise, but you
I only see you....
and me

Please believe,
We decease
Go!

I didn't really intend for the ending to be so dramatic. But, as I was writing this, it just seemed to fit really well. Plus poetry and literature is always more dramatic than life. That's why we read it, atleast, for that escape from the ordinary. Anyways, that's just my two cents for the week.
-Carson

Oh, sonnets. How I love thee.

So I decided to write a few sonnets for this blog post. Please, hold your applause until the end. No they're actually all really bad. I just remembered we talked briefly this week on sonnets, so I figured, "Hey, why not?"
Love is the story of two young teens,
entwined in fate, whose passion is but sound
and fury to all those that read between
the lines but fail to find the common ground.
Love is the story of love's ghost, once strong
in pow'r and wit, which now, time's fool, grows old,
yet still glows in closing days, along
with need of care, and lives in tales once told.
Love is man's greatest gift and prickl'st bur;
An irony which takes the lives of some
yet leaves them teaching that when love occurs,
'tis best to love, despite what they've become.
Love is the anger, passion, fury, bliss.
And yet, most often love just simply is.

The secret paints everything in colors
that only we can see. Such colors that
we, only we, can marvel at. It wuthers,
in time, fades, till it flourishes right back.
In some alternate place your gone, dead. I
still shudder at the thought. So selfish, you
still are and were, with no reason to die
and yet the will to. Life's empty without you.
Yet God, or fate, or luck, or all, has brought
you to a second life, you lost the first,
and now, embark to find what you first thought
a curse, as just such gift. To live and thirst
for more. So live, and do, and love, and hope,
and leave those fears out on that brittle rope.

He laughs. He knows all that he's done
is to his master's very whim.
He laughs despite the taste of blood
and gentle lick of nearby flame.
In fact what better way to go
than with all he ever had
in flames, engulfing him as he
had once engulfed it in all his
bitter scorning and empty lies.
It is poetic, so he thinks.
But that is neither here no there.
What lies beyond the very scene
of this scorned man engulfed in the
flames of a world which he once loved
and so he scorched on the dark whim
of an interloping promiser,
is that which he, the man I've said,
has come to represent within
the world which he so lusts in ruins.
The man has come to be the real
messenger of a new order
of men who would see chaos reign
in placement of all they never had
and all they felt that they deserved,
and simply laugh as they and the
world which they so loved duly burn,
because even they, too late to change,
can see the irony in
the burning of just such possessions.
This man is not the end of such
a selfish kind. He is merely,
with fear I say, the beginning.

So that's all I have for this week.
P.s. - I'm still vividly angry about my summer reading grade because I actually took time to read all 4 books! Ughhhhhh. Not fair.

Candide and Office Space? Connection? Yes.

So earlier in class this week we were discussing how reading literature "like a professor" (a pretentious one at that) was nearly an infectious disease, and it will spread to all areas of entertainment for AP LIT students. Well, I would have to concur with Mrs. Clinch and co. on this one. As I was driving over to windward parkway to stuff food down my gullet, I made a stark realization about the connections between two of the greatest works of art from the past 500 years. Obviously, as you might have already guessed, these two works are Candide and Office Space. Although the connections might no seem altogether plausible, or even there at all, I can guarantee you that there are, indeed, innate similarities between the two. Two characters find solace in the realistic, pragmatic ideals of physical labor - which give them a sense of purpose at their story's conclusion. In Candide, as we all know, his escapism leads to Candide starting a garden, and to run from the optimism that he has embodied for the previous parts of the story. This is similar, again, to Office Space. Think about it - in the movie Peter is plagued by the bureaucratic, corporate "philosophies" of "having a case of the mondays" and the inspirational banners that line the office. Although Candide is supportive of the philosophies in his story, they lead to continual negative effects. This is also illustrated in Office Space - the company's philosophy completely destroys the individuals at Initech. Office Space also deals with the debate over deontology vs. utilitarianism, while opting for deontology by supporting the individual and not the whole, but thats a story for another time.
Additionally, the female roles in both stories are also similar in various ways. In Candide Cunegonde, Candide's love interest, is thought to have been killed along with her family in the first few chapters. In actuality, she was only raped while her family died, however she still believed this preserved her virtue, and actually strengthened it. Well, in Office Space Peter's love interest, who he has seeked for a very long time, actually has slept with his much hated boss - thus losing her virtue in his eyes. I mean, she does not proclaim this strengthened her virtue, but she blamed Peter for having judgement towards her. Neither of these female characters were able to accept any sort of accountability for their sexual lives (although Cunegonde was raped, she never accepted that she wasn't really a virgin - which is just silly).
The scene that truly inspired this list was one of the most striking elements of Candide. If you can recall, when Pangloss inquired why man is made to suffer, and what they all ought to do about it, the dervish responded by asking, without missing a beat, why Pangloss is concerned about the matters pertaining to "evil and good". The dervish then describes human beings as mice on a ship sent by a king to Egypt; their comfort does not matter to the king. This is quite possibliy the whole driving plot of Office Space that corporations are not driven by their need and passion to provide goods and services to the community. Corporations do not innately care for their employees. Employees of large corporations are merely the mice on the ship to Egypt - and the movie Office Space is the rebellion of a man who could no longer take it.

Drugs

I don’t think everything can be solved with drugs, or that 1 out of every 10 kids in the United States should be on aderol. I don’t think everyone should be on depression medication, and in my best medical opinion someone shouldn’t assign a manic-depressive-suicidal-multiple-personality-schizophrenic-sociopath diagnosis to someone who is mourning the death of their beloved cat. But, in the same sense, sometimes you need help in life. You can’t really name the reason, but sometimes you don’t want to get out of bed in the morning. You can’t really name the reason, but you want to wear the baggy shirt so no one will see your fat poking through. And for some reason, you find yourself crying yourself to sleep and hope you’ll never wake up again. So here’s where my dilemma comes in, I think. Sometimes, all I can think is that I’m pretty retarded to get bogged down in all of it, you know? And, I hope other people feel the same way. That maybe it’s okay that a crush doesn’t return the feelings, or the calls. Maybe it’s okay that your ex uses you like a toy, and also uses you for relationship advice with his current girlfriend. No one is dieing from cancer. No one is dieing from AIDS or HIV, and no puppies were harmed. Yet, I still feel like my stomach has been stomped flat and my heart has been shot with a rifle. It’s so fucking weird sometimes, going from happy and laughing to crying and feeling as if you’ve got no support system. It’s weird, because you know you can’t really tell anyone or else they’ll just think you’re either emo or blood is raging out of your vagina. So, here’s where my dilemma comes in, I think. I’m suppose to be taking these pills, to make everything better, to make me see through rose tinted glasses. And I took them for about 2 weeks. And you know what? They made it so I didn’t want to cry, I didn’t want to punch the crap out of a wall, or anything like that. They made me a normal girl, where I didn’t feel disappointed if the guy I wanted to return my call didn’t, or if my plans got dropped I didn’t mind. And you know what? I stopped taking them. Because, for some reason, I feel like beating the shit out of that life-sized care bear I have because some stupid fucking guy won’t talk to me. Or I feel like crying just because, what the hell, I don’t even know why. Maybe that makes me crazy, weird, abnormal, whatever. I just don’t think everything can be solved with drugs. Especially being human.